This morning was much like many in my home. I needed to be at Avatar by 9 A.M. It was 7:30. My son was still asleep. My 16 year old daughter was on shut down on the couch. This happens when shes overloaded. Id spoken twice to her and she was just gazing at the blank wall, unaware Id spoken. I made my coffee and took my morning ritual outside with dogs and fags. Then my son, 7, who is autistic, burst through the door on total meltdown mode, crying and yelling as he had slept past his normal time which meant his routine was out of whack and he couldnt cope (he is time obsessed; everything in his life has a set time and sequence).

So there I was, already running late with the morning routine. My mind started, "You knew this would happen; the kids are suffering; they cant cope without you being there for them; youre selfish; I cant cope; Im tired;I need to go back to bed; we all do." My depression was in a spiral. I wanted to go to bed and stop the world impacting me for the day. "STOP!, I shouted in my head. ( I learned this method in a course Id done last year) I told my son to go back to my bed for awhile. Then I remembered my Masters last words to me last night, "I start my day with Feel-its." I did about 15 minutes of feel-its. WOW! My mind chatter stopped. I felt calm, but connected to the world, too. It was like looking thorugh a window, and I realized that analogy came from Harrys talk on a DVD Id watched the day before. I suddenly knew what hed meant. WOW!

I went in and started dealing with the morning beginning with seeing just where my daughter was at and helping her. It just all fell into place without me trying to make it. It wasnt until after the kids were sorted and I was taking care of me, in the shower, that the ?"lights" started going off in my head. I thought I hadnt got much out of yesterday and had been disappointed, but I got what I needed to get. Harrys meaning of looking through the window and my Masters words.

I had been ready to follow my self-written script in life and crawl into my "depression", wrap it around me and stay with it for a while because it was too hard. I wanted to back away from the day and life instead of dealing with it! I deserved it and my depression allowed me to do it. It was my shield I held up in defense when all was overwhelming for me!

But this had changed dramatically!!
The tools and using them changed it!
The way I coped changed-- Id changed!
I changed the script!

Meredith Lindsay- Australia- 2008

Source : http://avatarresults.com/avatar-in-life/823-i-changed-the-script.html