I am offering this testimonial to all of you, beautiful people, who teach Avatar and who learn Avatar, in the vision that it may give you some insights on how to assist those of us who have such a hard time to feel!

It was in 1994 that I took my first Avatar Course. In truth, I was just visiting: it took another seven years to really receive my first Avatar Course, when I had become humbled enough to stay in the exercises without lying about having the results. The ahas retrieved in that Christmas course experience were so major for me I made the commitment to show up at the Wizard course that was happening just one month later. Yes, to top it all, I had the Master course under my belt, and had been faking that too! However I followed through with my promise.

For those past seven years, I have not stopped doing integrity work. Not stopped. Period. That clarity alone was worth having journeyed on the whole path of Avatar. Indeed, I had been irremediably changed and powerfully impacted by seeing how crappy my ego mind really was. Indeed, I could only relate to why some of the QMs were so angry with me, as I surrounded myself with the haughty claim of "my" many privileges.

As much as there have been immensely dreadful moments spent in the dark sea of the unconscious, wondering if I would ever get out of the pit where my snake-like agendas and sneaky secrets dwelt, I can also say that the experience of life has gotten progressively lighter and more joyful. "I am happy to be me" came to be matter-of-fact and solidly grounded. And yet... the feeling part was still escaping me!

It is only yesterday that the dedicated assistance of a true master-someone at least as clever as the subtle tricks of my mind and as good and pure as its aspirations-that I shed what I feel was the last skin of my serpentine pride. What I saw was so immensely cunning and insidious that it once again opened domains that were unattainable for me before. My ego-doesnt yours?-loves to make it about me! So much so that my life path took me to surrender making a living through fine arts and become a life coach, just so that I could shut up and listen to someone else but me and my flamboyant story. And even though I could recognize the growing integrity of a heart increasingly devoted to serving community, there were still these places where a narcissistic indulgence would pop up every now and then... These misuses of power were so painful! After the last one (a big and small one), all possibilities of melodramas got busted, simply because I allowed me to feel what it meant to want to be a peacock and to resist to be a peacock.

Well, youre gonna tell me, thats the ABC of the course! And that is just the point, you see... Just like it took me extraordinary amounts of discipline to accept to listen to a client without parading my story all over, I realized last night that my inability to feel was because I didnt want to have a conversation with my pain, to listen to it, to be curious or interested in something else than me, to see how it moved, where it was going, what was its hobby, its passion, what made it tick, what was its dream... I just didnt want to give it my full attention, entirely, unconditionally, 100%.

And that was the last con, you see: as long as I couldnt feel it, my ego could make sure I would remain a spoiled child instead of showing up as an avatar of humanity. However, when the fruit is ripe, it falls from the tree, no matter what. When it does, the fruit (hear the benefit) which was forbidden is digested, and that which was the snake takes on the very face of angelic liberation.

Thank you Harry Palmer for the gift of Avatar and Carole for the gift of your mastery,

In the spirit of humility, gratitude and greatness,
ML- USA- 2009