Guest post by Cata Low
Just look at the soaps. These beautiful, well-dressed people in their big homes and designer jewelry are so unhappy. And if you want more daytime drama, there is Jerry Springer and the like. Who is watching? We are. What is the attraction? Victimhood!
Nobody likes to admit that they are a victim—at least not consciously. But every time we feel slighted, hurt, ignored, unseen, unheard, overlooked, or oppressed, we are perceiving from victim consciousness. Feeling out of balance with life, out of control, weak, stressed, or disempowered are all signs that we are in victim consciousness.
I have always considered myself not a victim. In fact, I have spent a lot of effort proving it! But some years ago, I saw a part of myself that I had never seen before. It shocked me.
I belonged to a club, and we were having a Christmas party. We had each made a gift for someone whose name we had previously drawn out of a hat. I had made a pretty pair of bead earrings and when my person's name was called, I gave them to her. More exchanges were made with lots of laughter and high spirits. Time passed, and more names were called, and more gifts given. More time passed, and my name was not called. I began to wonder, what if...? Finally, the last name. Not mine. That meant the person who drew my name hadn't made a gift for me. I couldn't believe it. And what was harder to believe was a creeping feeling of satisfaction. A deep and hidden part of me was glad I was left out.
Ghandi said, “Service which is rendered without joy helps neither the servant nor the served.”
Why? Because I could feel sorry for myself. When I feel victimized, I get to feel superior to the victimizer. I got a sickly-sweet feeling of being somehow special, somehow better than someone else. Someone is wrong, and I get to be right.
The next step was to share the victimization. I told a good friend, who immediately gave me the requisite sympathy, and later made me a special gift. Aha! Victimization can get me sympathy. It can even get me power. I am right. Self-righteous even. The whole world will agree with me. What a lousy, no-good so-and-so was. What a recipe for attention.
The trouble is, with a recipe like that I feel lousy. Weak. Angry. There is anger toward my unfeeling victimizer. I victimize myself with my anger. If angry thoughts are left unchecked, our words or our body will eventually act it out, either externally or internally. I begin to persecute my persecutor with my thoughts. What a game. The victim consciousness invites me to become a victimizer. Instead, I enlist a sympathetic savior to make me feel better.
But what about the lofty role of the savior? Isn't saving and helping people a good thing? This is a tricky one. We have to question our motivation. Some of us have lost ourselves in a savior or helper role to prove how good we are. Or to distract ourselves from our own pain. Or to be special and have "the answer." Or to get attention, and appreciation. If we are in the savior role falsely, it will turn into victim consciousness. Ghandi said, "Service which is rendered without joy helps neither the servant nor the served."
How do we get off the wheel? The self-honesty that we are living these roles is the first step. The exercises in The Avatar® Course are designed to help you remember and directly experience who you are without the roles, concepts, beliefs, or limitations that so many of us have gotten lost in.
The Avatar Journal would like to thank Cata for sharing her viewpoint. Read more Avatar experiences at AvatarResults.com
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