Guest post by Nicola Karesh
Recently I was working through some of the Avatar exercises and uncovered a string of disaligning beliefs.
"I don't want to do life." "It doesn't feel safe to be free; to give it my all." "I'm going to be shot at." "It is painful to show up." "I feel like a target." "Someone is going to get me." "Being naked and showing up is painful."
Somewhere earlier on in my life as a small child, I took baby steps forward, only to be whacked, figuratively, in the head. Repeated beating down of my initial steps and I learned to retreat and take refuge. Cocooned in my little bubble, I became an observer of life. At times, I would venture out to be engaged in the dance of life, but my efforts were never sustained for any significant length of time.
There was some connection and intimacy, but always on my terms; in my time. I decided when and if to show up.
To feel humanity in it's entirety was a resisted experience for me. To be that vulnerable? No way!
I used to lie in bed at night as a child, staring at the windows in my bedroom. I feared intruders coming in during the night while I slept. In my mind, I played out what I would do to protect myself and my older sister if someone were to break in. My hockey stick was a weapon and I knew where it was in case I needed it. I bought a huge knife. I was ready for attack. Thank goodness that the physical attack never came, but the foundation was set nonetheless. Me against them.
How does one ever relax and be engaged in life when everything and everyone is perceived as a potential threat? I did learn to be less guarded and more trusting, but I enjoyed the safety of my cave. I liked the solitude, the feeling of being away from it all. Why should I give it up?
On the wizard's course, I found my answer.
I did a lot of work on my relationships. I cleared away a lot of junk. I started to feel the results in the evenings when I picked my children up from the baby-sitter. I eased into an intimacy with them, that felt so natural. My daughter repeatedly held out her hand to me. It was noticeable and nice. My son's hand and embrace were a warm constant. My reactivity to their behavior was absent. My attention was no longer dwelling on what was wrong. I began to notice, appreciate and celebrate what felt good between us.
One night, I was preparing supper in the kitchen. It took about ten minutes, before the silence dawned on me. Here we were co-existing harmoniously in total peace and quiet. A beautiful, open space. I liked it! Appreciation and gratitude came naturally.
In my mind, I whispered a blessing and affirmed that I wanted this feeling to grow.
Harry's words echoed in my head that whatever you put your attention on will grow. In my mind, I whispered a blessing and affirmed that I wanted this feeling to grow.
The next morning while working on an exercise with two fellow masters, I was faced with the choice of remaining alone and protected in my manufactured cave or venturing out. I could handle my disaligning belief of it being too painful to show up in my life. It felt very safe all wrapped up in cotton. Why would I leave? Now, I had tasted the realness of true connection and intimacy with my little ones. I remembered and felt it. For the first time, I really wanted more. I wanted this loving feeling to grow. I affirmed that I wanted to clean this up.
During the process, I felt the sweetness of taking baby steps again - being vulnerable and the openness of safely moving forward. I had an image and the sense of a lion lying peacefully in the grass, head held high.
It felt fitting to handle my pain and receive the impression of a serene feline surrounded by nature.
The Avatar materials, when you open to them and allow them entry, are so simple, so profound and so effective. The layers that can be unravelled and handled if you are willing are truly amazing.
With this exercise, if I was on my own, I may have stopped at the first disaligning belief that I uncovered. One of the supporting masters had the wisdom and intuition to invite me to go deeper. I was open and went for it. All the way with many unexpected and incredible turns.
The gift of Avatar is here for you to handle whatever is standing in the way of you experiencing life to the fullest. All you have to do is say "yes".
The Avatar Journal would like to thank Nicola for sharing her Avatar experience. Read more Avatar experiences at AvatarResults.com
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